Chris Seltzer

Infantryman
Software Developer

Mugshots from the 1920s

Drinking in a college town.

Asian girls everywhere … UCLA.

The girl in front of me in line ….

is fat and she just asked for, “extra gravy” on her chicken parm.  

I’m judging her so hard right now.

If another girl calls me her “Christian Grey”, I quit.

Most popular boy and girl names by year and state.

Based on LinkedIn data scraped on 2014Apr07.   I’ll analyze this later.

Playing around with scraping LinkedIn data instead of working….

I like my girls like I like my …..

milk:

Rich, white, and 2% fat.

cheese:

Fat-free American singles.

coffee:

Black, bitter and preferably fair trade.

bourbon:

Aged 18 years and mixed with coke.

cream:

Thick, white and on the top.

toaster:

Two warm slots and always in the kitchen.

glasses:

Sitting on my face.

car:

Able to fit at least 4.

drugs:

Tied in a large bag and smuggled across Central America on the back of a donkey.

analogies:

Short and nonsensical.